No matter what I do it will never be enough. No matter how much I work hard I’ll never feel like there’s not more to give.

Just blowing off some steam. Veiled steam.

I realized something about myself when I was buying a car these past few weeks. I realized that I have gotten better at not taking bullshit from anyone. Not to say I wasn’t good at it before, but I’ve gotten better at dealing with it right as it happens.

And you know how much bullshit there is to deal with buying a car, right. Enough to fill an eighteen-wheeler. When it came to purchasing extra warranties, the finance manager applied scare tactics.

Him: Just so you know, your car was the most stolen car in 2007

Me: [Stare directly into his eyes] Don’t try to scare me.

Him: I’m not—

Me: OK, all I am saying is that scare tactics are not the way to go with me.

Him: OK, OK.

And that was that. From that point on, his delivery was monotone and I pleasantly declined the extra and unnecessary warranties.

So, I felt good about that. I’d stood my ground in a situation where I knew someone was trying to get me to spend more money.

But I also felt like shit, because I had to be a bitch. It’s possible that it’s something that is programmed in women, that we’re not supposed to rock the boat or upset people but I genuinely felt bad and had to ask Matt if I seemed out of line. There was another less confrontational situation with my salesman where he asked me to sign a form that hadn’t been filled out completely yet. I refused to sign it. A little while later he came back with a fully filled out form, which I signed.

Later, I asked Matt if I seemed, again, out of line for not wanting to sign a form with dollar signs on it that hadn’t been completely filled out. He assured me that he would have done the same thing.

Why, when it seems I have been successful at work and feel I am really making strides in my career, do I have to feel shameful during the car-buying process? Obviously, I’ve gotten where I am today for a reason, right?